Fail.

20 Jul

Worked out today but ruined it all when I came home and ate like I had been wandering in the desert for forty years. What’s wrong with me? I make it a point of pride never to blame anything on “hormones” but dammit I’M CHALKING THIS ONE UP TO HORMONES. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Or it could be I’m just really, really anxious about getting into university and I’m scared that I’m never going to find something I really want to do with my life. Jack of all trades, master of none. Aimless, listless, useless.

How do people DO this? I want to major in something that will let me travel all over the world, because when I’m standing still, I’m miserable; physically and mentally. I’m not good with settling in one place. Honestly the only time I’m happy is when I’m moving. I want to see things, do things that I never could imagine in my wildest dreams.

I want a place to call home that I can return to when I need to rest and stock up on energy, but that’s it. Not some place that I come home to day after day after day after doing the same mind-numbing 9 to 5 job.

I’ll need skills, vital skills. Language, perhaps. I can become a translator. It would be so easy for me to learn Urdu or Arabic, I just need to sit down and LEARN. Perhaps I can join one of those study abroad programs where I can learn Urdu or Arabic? I can speak Urdu, albeit brokenly, and I can read it somewhat, I just need to increase my vocabulary and start practicing reading it. I can write and read Arabic (only when there is perfect tashkeel-punctuation) so it wouldn’t be a stretch for me to start learning Arabic. American Sign Language. I took ASL I and II in high school, and I took a class in college (although I never completed it) and I tutor in fingerspelling and basic conversational skills…hmm. I thought about becoming a sign language interpreter but I don’t know.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just download skills into our minds a la The Matrix? Yeah, I know, it would be horrible. We would be even more lazy than we are now. Skills would have no value if ANYONE could have them. No work, dedication, or discipline required.

Well I’ve rambled on enough. I’ve felt so horrible these past few days. I really don’t like feeling like this.

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4 Responses to “Fail.”

  1. aleenakhan July 20, 2009 at 11:55 pm #

    Oh please, Sarah.

    You’re beyond talented, have so much self-discipline, got all these connections, and you think you’re listless, useless?

    The rest of us *obviously* have no hope, then.

    • runningmuslimah July 21, 2009 at 12:44 am #

      Well, *obviously.*

      Just kidding. 😉

      *Running Muslimah turns to PR manager* “A girl is allowed the occasional bout of the blues, no?”

      *PR manager taps headset, repeats question, pauses for answer. After a moment she looks up and shakes head slightly.*

      “What do you mean, no? You mean we must be happy, cheerful and bubbling with good spirits ALL the TIME??”

      *PR manager consults again with ThePowersThatBe. Nods head, affirmative.

      *RM throws hands up in the air.*

  2. B July 22, 2009 at 9:37 pm #

    Whatever career you decide to get into, don’t pursue it because you want to travel the world, or don’t want to travel at all. Jobs, like everything else in life; are unpredictable.

  3. runningmuslimah July 22, 2009 at 10:17 pm #

    This is truth, Bineabble. If I want to travel, I should travel. Regardless of my vocational choice.

    The richest woman in the world can think of any excuse against it, while the poorest woman in the world can think of every reason for it. 🙂

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